Reflections

I recently heard someone speak about how a birthday is an auspicious time, thats it time to reflect on your life. About where you were a year ago and where you want to be in a year. And while its not my birthday for about 3 more months, I feel not is a good time to reflect. If you had told me last year that I could ever be this happy I would have laughed in your face. I would have said you are so not realistic, I could never be that happy, I have so much shit in my life. But guess what? I am happy and doing so well. I finally feel what i feel is true happiness (I will explain the meaning of that in another post) Yes I disappoint myself, I cry and I get down. But those are all stepping stones to where I want to get. I dont get stuck. I make a mistake but I keep on going. A year ago I was involved with a lot of guys, doing whatever it took to feel happy to feel loved even temporarily. But none of that eased my pain, all it did was bring me down more. Going away for the year was the best decision I ever made (even though I made the decision for the wrong reasons). I am finally maturing, becoming my own person and living the life I want to live. Being single this year has allowed me to be selfish, in terms of making decisions for me, doing whats best for me and not having to sacrifice myself at a time when I need myself more than I need someone else in order to help me change. So though 22 is still a few months off, this year has been amazing, and crazy at the same time. I can't wait to see what else is in store in the future for me. Life is awesome!