Letting you in

I have finally met someone so nice, so awesome. It's going great! He's super thoughtful and so much of what I have been looking for. I guess most people in any relationship that's just a few months a long would feel unsure and maybe even a little nervous. But I feel it so much, I am so scared of getting close. The guy thinks I am so brave, because I don't mind snakes and heights and things like that. But I have so many fears! I feel like I analyze everything in a relationship. I don't want to have to explain to a guy why I need to be cuddled and cared for more. And why he needs to go slow with me. I do not want to be needy. I have not told him about my past yet, I have not shown him my emotional side. I will not be clingy, I will not be emotional. I need to be strong. I want to make this work so bad. But it hurts. It's great it's going so slow. In a way I really like that, that we are taking our time, no commitments, no head over heels obsessions. Just slow. But it also makes me more skeptical in a way. I want to be normal. I don't want to tell a guy that certain ways of having sex scare me and things like that. I want him to have a normal girlfriend. Even if he/or someone else accepts me for the way I am, I don't want him to have to do that. I am being really stupid about this. I guess the best way to describe it, is just feeling scared. I kind of feel worse sometimes after being with a guy, like emptier. I just feel uncompleted. I am going to work on it and hope times heal it like it has healed most things. Otherwise things are awesome!!!