Finding the strength

This is something I wrote about a month ago, about finding the strength to get over my past and not continuing making the same mistakes over and over again. Hopefully one day soon I will find that strength.

Every time I agree
and say yes,
a little part of me I lose.
It might feel good then
and I can fake the smiles and moans,
but when I go home
the smiles fade fast
and I cry myself to sleep.
And as the tears fall down,
I say to myself
there must be something more
than a boy and a kiss
and feeling this way.
But I can't escape it
It's what I know
what I've always known.
After the tears dry,
I go back to him
this time he doesn't ask.
And as he pushes me down
and tries to caress,
something goes off inside me
and I refuse to do it anymore,
refuse to be that girl.
My muscles tighten
and I push him off me,
with a strength I didn't know I had.
I expect him to fight back
but all I see is a look of surprise
the surprise turns to a smile.
He pats me on the back
and whispers-its about time.