Religious or not

I grew up in a very religious family, school system, and environment. Jewish from birth and religious based on the circumstances I was brought up in, I didn't have much of a choice. Every area of my life was controlled by religion. Dress- from the time I was 9, I was wearing skirts that covered my knees and shirts that were not to form fitting or revealing and that covered my elbows and collar bone. Eating- that was limited too. Couldn't just stop at any takeout place if I was hungry, no eating at Applebees or McDonald's. Food had to be prepared by a Jew or at least supervised by a Jew. No pork, bacon or shrimp. And only chicken and meat that was slaughtered in a certain way. And no milk and meat mixed together. No wonder I only weigh 90 something pounds. Separate schools my whole life. I didn't start talking to guys in a social setting till I was almost 18, and that was part of my rebelling which is a topic for another time. Boys and girls were always separated as to limit mingling to limit touching before marriage, as that is forbidden as is obviously sex. You had to start your day washing your hands in a certain manner and then praying to God before you were allowed to eat or do anything else. Your whole day was governed by doing actions to serve God. And then there were weekends, which were basically getting together with your family, not riding in your car, no computers or TV's, no touching the lights. I never had a normal weekend. It feels like a long list of do not's, but there are also positives. I will get into that another time, but I will list a few for now- there's a strong family unity, less emphasis on possessions and material world, and more aim for personal growth. Since I was about 18 I have grappled with if I want to be part of this world or if I want to join the secular world. I have gone back and forth in the last 3 years, weighing the pros and cons of both. Right now I am kind of in the middle. Do I want to join a new world and dessert the world I have always known? Or should I let go of some parts of the new world and deal with what I dont like in the old world? I wish I could answer that now, but hopefully as I continue writing the blog and explain the dilemma and what has occurred in the last few years, I will hopefully make the right choice.